Making Your Wedding Day Go Right: Tips from Professionals on How to Have a Stress-Free, Beautiful Wedding Day For You and Your Partner
“Above everything else, a wedding day is purely about brides and grooms celebrating their union. So why all of the stress? Rest assured, worries about making your prospective wedding run smoothly are not misplaced. Anyone who is preoccupied with “making their day go right”, is setting the stage for an effortlessly wonderful wedding once it arrives.”
Couples spend countless days planning for a perfect wedding day -- but why can excessive planning still end in unnecessary stress? In a 2010 survey by Dana Rebecca Designs, out of 2,000 newlyweds, 58% experienced stress on their wedding day. Furthermore, almost half stated that “they should have enjoyed it more”. In our opinion (and that of other married people), the duress of heavy planning is worth it -- so long as planning and preoccupation do not prevent you and your partner from enjoying your wedding day to its fullest.
So, what can we do to plan for a stress-free, beautiful wedding that transcends appearances, and is focused on you and your partner? To help you figure this out, we interviewed licensed professional counselor Adrienne Blatcher about how to have a stress-free wedding day. We also asked wedding photographer Tony Martinez himself for some tips about how to minimize your stress on wedding day. Spoiler: strong pre-planning and a positive mindset (free of pressure and expectations) are both major keys.
An Interview with Adrienne Blatcher:
A licensed professional counselor in the Lower Merion, Pennsylvania area, Adrienne Blatcher does marriage, couple, and family counseling among other things -- including teaching at Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia. Here are some of her insights to a stress-free wedding day derived from her experiences.
Kincaid: On your wedding day, did you experience any stress?
Adrienne: Above all, my main source of stress was nervousness. At your wedding, it’s all people you care about, and you want them to be happy. It certainly helps to make sure you have your helpers -- people who are there to bring you everything you need to so you can enjoy yourself without worrying too much about small things. Still, for me, nervousness was the more notable source of stress -- I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves!
Kincaid: So about nervousness, what are some ways couples can avoid being nervous on their wedding day? Or, how can they avoid any other negative feelings?
Adrienne: First and foremost, I think it is important to know that sometimes, the “stress” you’re feeling is actually excitement, so don’t fight it and let yourself feel it instead! It is very easy to attribute many different emotions to “stress”, and on a wedding day, excitement (paired with all the other emotions of marriage) can really add up. Instead, try to let yourself feel these emotions for what they are, rather than chalking them all up to stress.
It’s important, too, to stay positive and enter into things without expectations for the day. Starting your wedding day with a positive mindset and with no expectations for what will happen (or what could go wrong!) will relieve some of the pressure you feel. This is because it’s so important to remember what you’re there for: it’s not supposed to be the perfect “party of the century,” it is a celebration of the future of you and your partner. Don’t preoccupy yourself with what can go wrong or let pressure mount from your preparation -- at the end of the day, you are doing something that will make you happy for a lifetime, and your preparation is part of what will set you free! So many people fall into traps of what “perfect” is for their wedding. I think that really gets to people. Make sure that your wedding is right and comfortable for you both instead of focusing on how the experience will be -- the first step to a “perfect” wedding is actually enjoying it yourself and celebrating your union!
Kincaid: Aside from mindset and self-awareness, what else do you think is helpful to minimizing stress on the day of your wedding?
A: Like I was saying before, to have your “helpers” is critical. Your bridesmaids (or groomsmen) should be well-prepared and ready to help you with whatever you need -- you don’t need burdens of small things chronically coming back to you throughout the occasion. Choosing good caterers, bartenders, and the like is important. But these people may still have to ask questions and need guidance -- this is what your helpers are good for. Making sure that your bridesmaids or groomsmen are prepared to handle all of the small technicalities and concerns that amount along the way is relieving. To make sure this all happens, careful planning, trustworthy workers, and prepared helpers are the key. By preparing and having a good team, the stage is set for you to work through your feelings and be calm, so that you can enjoy your day with your partner and have a stress-free wedding. In terms of planning, nothing should be done last minute. Make sure you have all the aspects of your wedding down to a time and place, and that there are people to help facilitate the different parts as well -- this way, technicalities won’t disturb you enjoying the day with your partner.
Wedding Tips from Tony Martinez:
Tony Martinez of TM Weddings is in agreement. Tony, who was just married 8 months ago, spends a lot of time at weddings. As a wedding photographer, he is especially familiar with the technical aspects of a wedding day. When we asked Tony for a list of tips based on his personal and professional experience, he gave us some well-informed advice on what can alleviate wedding day stresses.
Coincidently, Tony had many similar ideas to Adrienne. Tony first states that an organized itinerary, as well as distributing jobs amongst helpers will make sure that a wedding takes care of itself. When your event runs itself, from your employees to your friends, you have very little tasks to worry about! In the same vein, Tony also stressed the importance of choosing the right vendors. At his wedding, he especially chose people who ran businesses that he knew and trusted. By selecting reliable vendors and workers (people who actually care for you and your wedding) you can be absolutely sure that your wedding staff truly hopes to make your day special and carefree.
Lastly, Tony closes on the most important note of all -- mentally accepting that things may go “wrong.” Wrong, here, doesn’t even exactly mean “bad!” Know that your wedding isn’t perfect because of the wedding event itself -- it is already perfect because you are celebrating a beautiful lifetime decision. Your close friends and family will enjoy it for that reason alone. Like Adrienne stated, too, going into your wedding day without expectations will allow you to roll with whatever happens, and to be happy to share the day with your partner. By doing this, you are free to understand and experience your wedding in the present moment, unburdened by appearances, technicalities, and small slip-ups. Paradoxically, by simply being happy for your day regardless of circumstances, you can give your guests the experience of a “perfect” wedding, even in spite of problems!
Wrapping Up: The Importance of Mindset, Mindfulness, and Preparation in Mitigating Wedding Stress
Conclusive from our interview with Adrienne and the tips from Tony, we see that adequate preparation and a carefree, positive mindset before your wedding is the best route to a beautiful and happy wedding day. Realizing that your “stress” can actually be excitement, passion, or even happiness is very important too! At the end of the day, your wedding itself is a celebration of only one thing -- your marriage with your partner. Anything else that occurs outside of this is not so much an issue.
Mitigating these outside factors is a plus -- if you make sure you plan well, and have formidable helpers by your side, things will run themselves! From a well-done itinerary, good and trustworthy vendors, and designated jobs for those involved, preparation will give you space to ensure you have a positive and happy outlook no matter what.
Just know, if some food does not arrive in time, or if one of your friends holds onto the microphone for a bit too long, these things shouldn’t detract from your day of celebration with your partner -- this is between you two only. Of course, impressing your wedding attendees and making your family proud is important: but if everything doesn’t go exactly to plan, you can bet that you and your partner will still look fondly and happily upon the day you committed to one another for life. We are sure that with these tips and some good plans, there can be nothing that will shake you and your partner from having a beautiful day.